[Editor's note: Looks like The Great Gatskee is going to be switching this weekly column up a bit and doing less picks and more commentary/analysis on the teams/players. Sooooo, maybe we'll change it from "Gatskee Gambles" to.....wait for it........"Gatskee Rambles"! Yeah baby! PS He's gonna be pissed that I didn't have time to interject my comments and retorts this go around, but I will tell you there are some solid zingers, references, and one-liners. Enjoy! PPS I'm digging "Statlana" as their official nickname.]
Good Thursday, HeebieSkeebies!
SkeeNation Raleigh jumped right into Skeeson X last week and a lot of offskeeson talk centered on the top 10 rollers not combining to form super teams. It’s going to be great to see how wide open the Chalice Charge (just copyrighted that right now) should be. Well, if last week was any indication, nothing has really changed. Statboy’s Mightskee Ducks and Scotty The Body’s Skeeber Fever have the top 2 teams after posted 1000+ scores in week 1. No girls broke into the Top 10 and one of the early favorites, Skee Como No, rolled so bad I can hear Mr. Burgundy laughing hysterically like he did when he first heard the term “female super team.” Now, there is plenty of time for Shanna, Wendy and Danielle to right this ship, but right now… oh boy that was not the way you wanted to start.
Last Friday, a few of us got together to hang with Dave Scull, who runs the Louisville League. I really don’t know how to even describe how that night went. Dave Scull is a massive dude and he is 100% awesome sauce. We tore up Beasley Chicken & Honey, rolling 11 deep, but only half of us actually ate a meal. But a few beers and jalapeno shots later, we circled back to Isaac Hunters for some skeeball and Scull’s Danceparty USA. There are a few pictures circulating the interwebs, but oh man what a hilarious night. Dave Scull is a reason why rookskees and newer players ought to make road trips to other skeeball cities when the opportunity presents itself (Super Saturdays, Super Roll, etc.). There was also a great little house-warminglike party with Potter and Duff. If you haven’t yet heard or played the game Cards Against Humanity, well, jump on it now before every starts quoting the cards like a catchy movie quote. That game will change how you view your friends. Had I not embarked on my own Ruckus-like meal earlier that day I would have surely enjoyed the food at the party. But yeah, making friends is cool. Do it more.
So, I’m really looking forward to these next 8 weeks to see all of the rivalries pop up and to find out which rookies do the talking but not the walking. I’m pumped to see veterans square off against each other, like I did with Evan last week. I out rolled him (thank you hundos), but he came away with the last laugh when his team took the victory even as I had the final roll and a chance to win. My skeemates, Allison Chains and Madevil Times rolled alright and I did enjoy bantering with Evan’s rookskee mouth, Cory. I’ll have to show up earlier than 15 minutes before my own match so I can follow the other matches and hope for some good healthy trash talk. Hell, I might even fan the flames if need be.
Anyways, I think these weekly columns are going to take a different shape this skeeson. I’m not planning to just do matchup rundowns every week, but I’ll hit on a few noteworthy pairings as well as some individuals performances, both good and bad. So bear with it. I’m trying to keep things a little fresh. More importantly, I can get this going earlier rather than waiting for the schedule to come out and then again when people make last minute schedule requests.
Bye- Tennesskee Whiskey & Matty Light / Meredith/ Jen
Tennesskee Whiskey is Scooter cock-blocking chaperoning Matt Potter and Amanda Joyner. Amanda just moved here from Atlanta and did play in the Atlanta League… does she lose rookskee status in Raleigh? Hmmm…
I’ll be keeping an eye on this team. You should too. Potter out rolled Scooter last week and if they become a dynamic duo, hello deep playoff run. For now though, Tennesskee Whiskey is lame for taking a Bye in Week 2. It better be to prepare for the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises…
The other BYE this week is Matty Light, Meredith and Jen. The Joneses have returned. Well, sorta. They are a late scratch this night, reportedly due to Matty Light chasing his wife around the room while wearing a “toy” on his head yelling “You can’t escape the rhino!” We’ll get the story next week. Who can keep up with these guys anyways?!
Lane 1 – You’ll Never Find My Skee-Spot vs. Microllsoft
The real fun this skeeson is the weekly veteran matchups. This week, Wonderboy takes a shot at Evan. Evan is rolling with a pair of rookskees, with Cory making an early run at the hundos. Nice. I can’t wait to count his pushups when he runs a gutter ball though. Oh it’s gonna be great. Wonderboy came out strong last week with a 350, but I’m sure he expects to roll closer to 400 or so. Don’t put it past him. Don’t put it past Evan either though. But those 50s are unforgiving if you miss… Kirk, a rookskee on Skee Spot, is fired up and I think watching him and Cory trash talk it out is gonna be a lot of fun. I expect this one to be close, but in the end, Microllsoft might be the victor. Tough call though. Cory is #2 in the Rookskee Standings, but that 298 last week could drop to a 247 or a 253… Damn, I should have beaten Evan last week!!
Lane 2 – Sal/Rodney/Brian vs. Ludicrous Skeed
Uuuhhh…. Who the hell are Rodney and Brian? Apparently, they aren’t codenames for Keith and Aaron, who were no shows and no calls last week. My guess is they got lost riding bikes up and down Fayetteville St. Who the hell knows. What I DO know is tonight could possibly feature a very specific SkeeEO subbing and thinking he can out roll The Great Gatskee. You better stop hating on the hundos and land some, because you better believe I am gonna!
I learned something last week from my skeemates. Evan noticed it too. My team will NOT have any trouble finishing a match within an hour. Both Allison and Madi roll lightning quick (which may need to change a little bit given the results…). They finish faster than… well, no I’m not gonna add that joke in there. Allison Chains joined a few peeps last Friday and figured out that she can actually roll 40s and even some hundos, so this is gonna be a good indicator for us in terms of our playoff prospects. You can bet that Gatskee is gonna bring a score higher than Scotty the Body (just like in disc golf, btw).
Allison Chains was finally introduced to Spaceballs the other night so she is extra pumped about tonight. She better be… last week was a 244 and she’s super competitive so I am expecting a big jump! Ludicrous Skeed, GOOOOOO!!!!! Buckle Up, Farrell.
Lane 1 – Ed Hardskee vs. The Golden Girlskees
Ed Hardskee is the reincarnation of last skeeson’s Alcskeeholics Anonymous. Let’s see if the new name yields new results. Judging by OMG’s 301 last week might be a good indicator. Ryan’s 247 on the other hand… is not. Heh. Alana going through a lot of changes between a job and new home and also trying to reign in Statboy’s uncontrollable spending spree of late. Speaking of which, why doesn’t this couple have a stupid nickname like Brangelina, TomKat, or WernGraup? How about Statlana?? And how about RadDuff for the latest cupid pairing of Alek and Allison??
While on the subject of altering things… I’m a bit letdown in the Golden Girlskees name choice. This is no natural place for “skee” to fit in Golden Girls. How did you not jump on Rollden Girls?!?! Purple Reina, I expect better from you. I expect better from you AND Dre too cus 254s aren’t gonna cut it this time around. No more 700 games. 850 and up!!
Ed Hardskee wins this one as long as Ryan isn’t too tired from steering the Trolley Pub away from the cops.
Lane 2 – Mightskee Ducks vs. Ron/Tony/Kevin
Uh oh. Look at these Rolling Times sudden skeelebrities. So you think that you can just roll 1000 and suddenly you’re a star? What is this, Raleigh’s Linsanity but with white people?! *side note* Goodbye, Jeremy Lin. Sorry for James Dolan being himself. Yeah, that contract was too much, but NY has plenty of it. Bobo is still gonna call you though. Maybe. Anyways, back to skeeball. Hey, I’ll send props to Mike Graupner, rookskee, for rolling Full 40 in his official debut. That is pretty impressive for a first timer. Not to be ignored though, I saw your pushups after you rolled a ZERO. Just keeping your ego in check, rookskee. If Statboy is smart, he’ll have both of his rookskee skeemates carrying all of the new furniture dude just bought. I would. Alan is the rookskee leader after one week, but it’s only 1 pt ahead of Cory. Nice start, homie. I like your Google Glasses too.
Mightskee Ducks should take this one pretty easily against a rookskee team who I do not even remotely know. Is there anyone who can knock Statboy out of the #1 spot? Is dude going for his 3rd consecutive MVSkee Title?? Maybe it’s the Great Gatskee
Lane 1 – Cari/Gaby/Stemmler? vs. Skee Como No
Another rookskee team (well, not including the enigma that is Matt Stemmler), and we get a chance to see Skee Como No in action. It’s kinda becoming a sausage fest at the top of the rankings and it’s about time for some ladies to break on through that glass skeeling. Skee Como No is about the best chance there is this skeeson. There is a lot of experience on this squad (and no, I didn’t just call them old) and expectations will remain high and I think they are surely tired of all the easy jokes. We’ll see how they handle this new pressure.
They should handle this (mostly) rookskee team but be careful of Cari. She was out for Free Skee and got the itch in a hurry.
Lane 2 – The Killer Sharcoonskees vs. #skeeballs
Now THIS team should be the Rollden Girls. Or Men of a Skeertain Age. Or maybe Cocoonskees (remember that movie?!) I’m talking about #skeeballs which is David Stone, Wheeler and Sammy, returning from last skeeson to actually roll like they want to win. They had a very solid 2nd half but all 3 of them blew off Super Saturday which is a near unforgiveable offense in my book. They could be exactly the sort of team who could make a run at a chalice. I think playing later matches will hurt them though given Stone’s affinity for shots.
Killer Sharcoonskees might be for real though, too! J-Lean stormed out of the gates with a 294 last week. Fluke or did she workout in the offskeeson?? Methinks it’s time to spread whatever magic with Krystal and Amy though! #skeeballs should take this one, though I think J-Lean will be the highest roller of this match. Boom!?
Lane 1 – Harry & the Hundosons vs. Little Skeesars
Oh, Harry & the Hundosons, what could we have been??? I sorta thought about taking this name for my own, but it was originally The Rad Russian’s idea (even though he legit forgot it was his creation until I reminded him). God this name is awesome. How many teams have ever rolled with a “hundo” moniker?? I know of only one; Hungry Hungry Hundos, which is also fantastic. I realize now that I could have certainly rolled with Alek and Katie again but for some reason I got caught up in this whole “top rollers spread out” thing and I didn’t realize Body would team with Dustin and CT with DMC and such. I’d say we might have been a favorite to win. Did I really think we would be too good to stay together? Suffice to say Harry & the Hundosons have the potential to be really good. Honeybadger has replaced me (and let me just say that I love my skeemates and this has absolutely nothing to do with them even remotely!) and Katie figured out late last skeeson that she can hit hundos. Alek is gonna have to be the anchor here (which..uhh… didn’t exactly happen in the playoffs. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.
Nichole is running Little Skeesars and is obvious that SHE is ready to make waves. She’s the top chica right now (closely followed by DK) after a 305 start to the skeeson. We’ll have to see what happens with her skeemates though. Drew filled in last week (which turned out to be a not-so-good idea, lol!). Harry & the Hundosons take this one provided Alek can hit more than 1 or 2 hundos during his hundo frames…zing!
Lane 2 – Skeeber Fever vs. Bayside High Varsity Skeeball Team
And wrapping up the night is a sweet predominantly veteran matchup of Scotty the Body and former rookskee, Dustin, taking on CT and the return of DMC. Bodys team led the league with a huge 1032in week 1, thanks to Dustin rolling out of his mind en route to a 363. What is in store this week? I’m a huge Dustin fan (since he witnessed my practice 900!) but I don’t think he can black-out and roll like that twice in a row. Furthermore, Body is yapping like he is gonna roll 400+ each week. I might just stay and watch this match knowing full well that how Body rolls is completely dependent on how close or far I am from the lanes. Watch for his 320 this week.
CT came out of the box with a damn good 371 last week, good for 5th overall. I think this match is gonna come down to Dustin and DMC. DMC dropped a 281 in her return to the lanes, but I think she can push to the 310-320 range. Might be ambitious, but I think Dustin will end up in that same range too. Brad and Josh Gadd, the two rookies* are also unpredictable factors. Both of these teams will be deep in the playoffs. For now I’m jumping on Bayside High’s side though. In your face, Body!!