So shortly after I sent out the skeemail today, I received an anonymous email from someone in the league interested in doing some writing. Then, 5 minutes later I received a second email… “In fact, I’m probably going to write stuff and send it to you whether you want me to or not. Enjoy!” That’s all it said. True story. Well most of it. What can I possibly say to that aside from…you’re hired! So here it is, the first of a new weekly column…
It’s been a long winter, but this spring there’s a new sheriff in town! For years, traditionalists have focused on the wrong stats in analyzing the game we all know and love. This year, Billy Beane Brad Pitt The Ghost Writer is here with a fresh look at America’s favorite sport. How will Skeeson Three shake out in Boston? Well I combed the Skeeson Two stats, and here’s what I found. To the SKEEtistics!
We all know it by now: it’s a long skeeson. If you want to be sipping PBR out of the Champion’s Chalice come Super Saturday, there’s no room for error along the way. So I’m looking for these guys to go deep in the playoffs.
3) John Douglass – 22 points
4) Lindsay Anne – 22 points
5) Michael Simpson – 24 points
Skeeson 2 Most Consistent Rollers (Smallest point difference between best and worst score, Min 5 Rolls)
1) Everett Phillips – 18 points
2) Chris Maher – 20 points
On the other hand, sometimes in the playoffs you run into a tough team and you need somebody on your team to step up in a big way. These are the guys that if they get hot at the right time…look out!
Skeeson 2 Most Explosive Rollers (Largest % difference between best score and average score, Min 5 Rolls)
1) Jonathon Martin – 25.0%
2) Mike Horoho – 22.1%
3) Derek Morgan – 20.9%
4) Jill Accettullo – 19.1%
5) Sam Reidy – 18.5%
The Wild Card
Of course, it’s a brand new skeeson. With all of the roster movement in the off-skeeson it’s hard to know who will fade from last year and who will emerge to take their place. All we have to go on are the team names. It’s just a fact: you can’t win in skeeball without a good team name. Here are the teams I’m watching:
Best New Team Names
1) Bill Braskee
2) Skeech & Chong
3) Skee You Later, Alligator
4) Skeebler Elves
5) Monkey Skee, Monkey Do
Last (tie) Samantha Hoyt’s Team, Karalyn Bere’s Team, Maren Johnson’s Team, Wes/Dave/Amy, Maria & Bill Corcoran’s Team, Shwetha/Sheila/Jan, Johnathan Martin’s Team, Coozie/Steve/Lindsay
Skeeriously, get a team name!
(Editors Note: Maren Johnson’s Team is actually Skeellz dat Killz and they already have custom t-shirts. The rest of you slackers better pick something this week, otherwise your team name will be decided for you.)
These are based on absolutely nothing, but this is who I’m putting my money on this year. No pressure, don’t let me down.
Wednesday MVP: Chuck Rogers
Wednesday Sleeper: Jay-Jay Ortega
Wednesday Top Team: Murder Skee Wrote
Wednesday Sleeper Team: Alpine Skee Team
Thursday MVP: Everett Phillips
Thursday Sleeper: Mike Horoho
Thursday Top Team: Boston Skee Party
Thursday Sleeper Team: You Fancy, Huh?
High Roller Tournament: Derek Morgan over Tom Martin
Champions Chalice: UConn Huskees over Skeed Row
You heard it here first. That’s it for me this week; I’ll be back next week with some expert analysis of week 1.
- The Ghost Writer