The ATL High Rollers Report released!

 


[Each skeeson I pick a skeelebrity to make his/her picks of the High Roller Tournament, going match by match until only one player remains.  This skeeson is no different, but per the usual he/she was allowed to keep his/her anonymity, allowing free speech about all rollers, matchups, and even The Kennesaw Kid himself!  So check out the pics below and enjoy!]

Well Howdy Hi Rollers!

Welcome to the Wild Wild West of Skee, or as we like to call it, Super Saturday. This little houtinany and the shindig leading up to it are gonna be a darn tootin good time. This Weekend is gonna be the rootenest, tootenest, stomp your foot and slap your grandma  , best time of your cotton picken life! Just in case you high rollers are thinking of gettiin’ all lazy, allow me, your Skeeson III no name Cowboy, to put a spur in your side and a snake in your boots. Are ya ready?!

 

If ya need help gettin into the spirit of the game (and my chuckwagon lingo), play this dandy of a song while you read:

If I were a bettin’ cowpoke (well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, I am!), here’s who I think is gonna ride off into the sunset with that shiny trophy and tile of #1 roller in ATL and leave the other townfolk in the prairie dust. Can you handle the shoot-out? Ready? DRAW!

Wildcard –
#1 Nitzan Auz vs #8 Hannah Friel – Nitzan takes this rodeo in 2 and beats her skeemate bye sending her to the bar early.
#2 Kelly Moran vs #7 Instigator –  Kelly is a little more thicked skinned then Hotpocket and I doubt you can say something without Kelly lashing out at you on the lanes and making you eat your own words! Best of 3 goes to Kelly
#3 Steve Wooten vs #6 Tracey Poole – Tracey is Stellar when need be and Steve sometimes your head is not there so Stacey takes you in 2.
#4 Tara Collier vs #5 Lindsey Carrigan – Battle of the two rookskees that have a lot of room for improving next skeeson but the dust is gonna settle early on that Yankee from the North and Tara takes it in 3.
Semi Finals
#1 Nitzan Auz vs #4 Tara Collier – I was having issues picking this one but after much thought I feel after Nitzan beats her skeemate she is gonna wanna join her for some drinks! Tara takes Nitzan in 2!
#2 Kelly Moran vs #6 Tracey Poole – Kelly has been on a tear over the last 3 weeks of the skeeson and it carries her on to a win but barely by the skin of her teeth in 3.
Finals
#4 Tara Collier  vs #2 Kelly Moran – Kelly wins! Kelly Wins! KELLY WINS! is what everyone will be screaming after she wins the best of 3 against Tara, but now Kelly you have to play in the BIG SHOW the High Rollers Tournament!
Winner of the Wild Card: Kelly Moran
High Rollers Tourney:
Round 1
Play-in Game

#32 Adam ‘Streetfighter’ Geil vs Kelley Moran – Adam, I know your a nice guy, but nice isn’t gonna get you to the next round. I’m betting the wildcard tourney winner Kelly is gonna squeak out a win in 3 for this game. It’s gonna be a great mental warm-up for the rest of us, get your heads in the game and watch the first one of the HRT!

 

#1 Brad ‘Bearcat’ Sims vs Kelly Moran- Kelly’s rise from the wildcard tourney and a win from the first round isn’t gonna be enough to beat the hundo king in this round. Bearcat’s gonna win in 2 for this round, and then he’s gonna mosey on over to the saloon for another Jack . . .

 

#2 Andrew ‘The Kennesaw Kid’ Boyd vs #31 Maureen ‘Mo’ Foley – Ah, Mo, I would love to see some “Mo” full 40’s out of you next season, I know you’ve got it in ya! Until then, look out, cause the Kennesaw Kid just rode into town and robbed you at gunpoint of this round.

 

#3 Bernie ‘Black Magic’ Coston vs #30 Lesley ‘Skittles’ Binfield – Skittles, you know I love the taste of your rainbow, but I’m thinking there won’t be a pot of HRT Gold at the end this time, as you were the unlucky lass to get matched up with Black Magic in the first round! B Magic is taking this one in 2, or I’m personally revoking him of his #3 spot.

 

#4 Marvelous Mel Kennedy vs #29 Ryan Kovach – Kovach, didn’t I tell you it was a bad idea to have “relations” with them fancy ladies down at the saloon? They fill ya full of whisky, get ya to dance the jig on the pianer, and before ya know it, yer wakin up in a strange bed with no lady friend and no wallet, cause buster, yer gettin robbed in this round! Marvelous High Kicks Mel is gonna crush it in this round with her full 40’s

 

#5 Alex ‘Superboy’ Kaas vs #28 Rachel ‘The Nun’ Boyd – I wouldn’t be so quick to say this in past seasons (ahem, where’s that awesome rolling we’ve seen?, but the Nun doesn’t have a prayer (ha! Get it? Yer bustin yer gut from my jokes, I know) against superboy in this round. But someone’s gotta be the sexy gal holdin up the bar for the rest of the rounds, might as well be the holy one.

 

#6 Brett ‘The Professor’ Luna vs #27 Mike Carrigan – Carrigan, your gettin schooled in this round, pop quiz from the professor who I’m thinkin will take it in 3. Why not 2? Cause I think Mike is gonna put up a good fight and win in the 2nd. This one is a toughie, cause this rookie has got some serious potential. But I’m gonna put my marbles with the prof (you know what they say, teacher’s pet gets straight A’s)

 

#7 Katie ‘Shooter’ Edwards vs #26 Matt ‘Skeesus’ Ward – Fitting for her name, winning this round is gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel for Shooter, Skeesus ain’t gonna “skee” it comin, darn tootin! Shooter, I’ll skin ya like a jack rabbit if you throw this in the first round, don’t let the nerves get to you!
SIDE NOTE: ANYONE GETTIN’ PLUM TUCKERED OUT FROM MY COWBOY SPEAK? HOPE NOT, CAUSE I’M A FER PIECE FROM BEING DONE WITH EM!

#8 Chris ‘Dirty’ Vadnais vs #25 Amanda ‘Showgirl’ Joyner – Showgirl knows how to play skeeball, and she knows how to play it well, we’ve all seen her in action. But she’s taken a vacation this season from her “right up the middles” and that’s gonna give dirty the advantage. This one is a fun matchup, two second skeesoners, but if Dirty rolls like he’s been rollin’ (insert whitty tumbleweed reference, I can’t think of one, can ya’ll?) he’s gonna win it in 2.

 

#9 Cason ‘Braveheart’ Wallace vs #24 Shawn ‘Boston Cajun’ Theroux – Try to be be brave while you’re being crushed by Braveheart BC, that’s all I’m sayin. But on the upside, your halloween hair was money.

 

#10 Scott ‘The Weatherman’ King vs #23 Chris ‘Tiger’ Hyde – Special ordered from Charlie Sheen, that magical Tiger blood isn’t gonna be enough for Chris to beat out the Weatherman in this round, who’s gonna win it in 2.

 

#11 Brian McElroy vs #22 Heidi ‘Cupcake’ Wetherbee – I was happy as a jaybird on a spring day when Cupcake rolled her first full 40 early in the season. Then you have rooskee Brian, alternate number 4 (or 3, or however the heck yall got it worked out) who has been blazin saddles this skeeson. Cupcake’s the seasoned roller, but I’m going with the rooskee on this round. Don’t like me prediction my sweet cuppy cake? Then prove me wrong!!!

 

#12 Parks Ward vs #21 Marjie Foley – What is it with being a rooskee and being an alternate that makes people so damn good this skeeson? I dunno partner, but I’m here to tell ya, Parks is gonna take it in 3. I’m keepin’ my eye on Marjie for next skeeson though, I think she’s gonna jump in the ranks!

 

#13 Eric ‘Skeezy E’ Williams vs #20 April Hunt – Gimp leg and all, April wowed this season as a rooskee, she’s got a straight shot and a one of a kind roll, but as long as Skeezy’s skinny jeans don’t cut off the circulation to his man parts, causing an unfortunate but equally funny fainting spell, Skeezy is gonna easily win this one in 2

 

#14 Andrew ‘Lucky’ Livernois vs #19 Beth ‘Small Fry’ Cohen – UPSET ALERT! This one is a toughie for me. Lucky’s been having a great skeeson so far and has really given some of the second and third seasoners a run for their money. Lucky, I think your luck may have just run out, order a milkshake to go with that Small Fry, cause she is gonna put her game face on and win it in 3.

 

#15 Nick Delgado vs #18 David Hansman – Those north lanes have been treatin you pretty well Nick, sittin pretty at #15, but I’m wondering how your rollin is gonna shake out on the south lanes? I’m thinking David’s gonna squeeze out a win in this one in 3.

 

#16 Emily Osbourne vs #17 Ward ‘3rd Guy’ Bickford – Emily’s gonna smoke it in this round cause Ward won’t have his head in the game (Dude, you know you won’t, don’t give me that look). Emily for winning it in 2

 

Sweet 16

#1 Brad ‘Bearcat’ Sims vs  #16 Emily Osbourne – Bearcat for the win in 2 licks. I wanna see someone pony up and beat this guy, but it ain’t gonna happen in this rodeo.

 

#2 Andrew ‘The Kennesaw Kid’ Boyd  vs #18 David Hansman – Call in the Sheriff! round up a posse! The Kennesaw Kid strikes again. David’s gonna play well, but not enough to beat the K Kid in this round, who’s gonna win it in 2.

 

#3 Bernie ‘Black Magic’ Coston vs #19 Beth ‘Small Fry’ Cohen  – This has got to be one of my favorite match-ups so far. Small Fry was set to take down Bearcat’s team last skeeson and couldn’t quite jump the horse. But doesn’t that give ya’ll a little inkling as to how straight shootin’ she is? Black Magic has been rollin good this skeeson, almost too good (B Magic, if ya see a lurker in the shadows, it’s me coming to take you out at the knees!) but I won’t do it before the playoffs, cause I wanna see this guy win it in 2!
#4 Marvelous Mel Kennedy vs#13 Eric ‘Skeezy E’ Williams   – Bonanza! This here is a tough cookie to cut. Who’s gonna win this round? Yer guess is as good as mine. Good thing I’m the one who gets to make the prediction, ha! Mel wins it in a hard fought 3, Skeezy’s gonna make her work for it, fer sure.

#5 Alex ‘Superboy’ Kaas vs #12 Parks Ward  – Rooskee Parks isn’t gonna take this one layin down. Superboy is gonna have to work for the win in 3

 

#6 Brett ‘The Professor’ Luna vs #11 Brian McElroy  – At the risk of being a repetitive son of a gun, Same deal as above. The rooskee ain’t gonna win, but the Professor is gonna have to study those 40/50 combos real hard, Professor for the win in 3

 

#7 Katie ‘Shooter’ Edwards vs #10 Scott ‘The Weatherman’ King  – Shooter has got her work cut out for her, the weatherman isn’t goin down without a fight. I’m expectin  a chair smashin round of skee with two players who are gonna come out with guns blazin. It’s a kicker, if Shooter can keep her head in the game, she stands a chance at winning it in 3, if not, the Weatherman stands ready and willing to take the win and move on to the Elite 8. I’ve gotta choose one, so I’m going with Shooter.

 

#8 Chris ‘Dirty’ Vadnais vs #9 Cason ‘Braveheart’ Wallace  – Braveheart for the win in 3, mostly because I’m looking for an upset in round 2! And also, this means Braveheart is playing Bearcat in the next round, which makes for another rocking match up!

 

Elite 8

#1 Brad ‘Bearcat’ Sims vs #9 Cason ‘Braveheart’ Wallace   – I’ve seen Bearcat endin up in the final two for the whole bracket, so he’s kinda gotta win this round to get there. Bearcat for the win in 2. Braveheart, time to go grab a drink and get housed at the saloon.

 

#2 Andrew ‘The Kennesaw Kid’ Boyd  vs #7 Katie ‘Shooter’ Edwards  – Shooter’s gonna be good, she always is. But I don’t think it’s gonna be enough to smoke The K Kid out of his teepee. Shooter is awesome at 40’s, but K Kid is awesome at 50’s, you do the math. K Kid for the win in 3.

 

#3 Bernie ‘Black Magic’ Coston vs #6 Brett ‘The Professor’ Luna  – “Grab yer partner dosy doe! Round and Round and Round we go!” That’s what it’s gonna feel like in this round. B Magic wins one, then the Prof wins one. Who’s gonna take it home in the 3rd? B Magic of course. He’s tasted HRT glory before, and no high fallootin professor is gonna get in his way!

 

#4 Marvelous Mel Kennedy vs  #5 Alex ‘Superboy’ Kaas  – Mel, you sassy sassy lady. Quit cozi-en to yer boy toy and win this round! Mel is gonna buckle down in this round. Full 40’s all the way. But somethin tells me Superboy is gonna be able to throw some 50’s into that 40 mix. If I thought Mel could keep her nerves out of the game, she’d be a shoe in for the finals, but Superboy is gonna be cool, calm and collected. Still, Mel’s consistency is what’s gonna get her into the finals in 3.

 

FINAL 4

#1 Brad ‘Bearcat’ Sims vs #4 Marvelous Mel Kennedy  – Lets all pause for a moment of silence. Guys and Gals, this here is a hoedown for the ages. Bearcat vs his sweetie pie, Bearkitten. Bearcats gonna do some serious mud slinging in this round, he would know better than anyone how to get inside Mel’s head. Mel’s gonna push back, but ultimately, Bearcat is gonna do what he does best, and that’s win. This is another round where I sure would love to be proven wrong.

 

  #2 Andrew ‘The Kennesaw Kid’ Boyd  vs #3 Bernie ‘Black Magic’ Coston   – If B Magic stays as consistent in this round as he has all season, K Kid’s reign of outlaw terror will probably be over, this one is gonna be a close match. I hope everyone is good and liquered up at this point. I want plenty of hooten and hollerin in this round! B Magic for the win in 3.

 

Finals
It all comes down to this. The title of High Roller is primed for the taken, who’s gonna go out and grab that beautiful butterfly pal?!
The streets are cleared, the noon sun is high in the sky, the townfolk (with drinks in hand of course) are peering through the windows, the sound of a rattler hisses nearby (or just the roudy sounds from the beer pong table, they sound so similar ya know)

We have Brad ‘Bearcat’ Sims vs Bernie Black MagicTwo of the best rollers in the history of SkeeNation (in my humble no name Cowboy opinion) face off in a skee duel that’s gonna leave guns smokin and one of these fellas dead in the water.

 

Who’s gonna win it all?

 

Bearcat has been a super strong ombre this skeeson (and a big “duh” falls over the crowd). Ranked at #1 he’s held his own all the way to the playoffs. He’s got a good up the middle roll, but has the even bigger distinction of being the top hundo roller in the Atlanta division. The hundos are his sweet spot, but some nights that sweet spot is hard to find.

 

And then we have Black Magic, and honey, has he been working the magic on those lanes this skeeson. 40 after 40 after 40. He gets that “in the zone” look in his eyes in between bouts of being a dancin fool and you just know hes gonna nail it every time. A perfectionist to the core, his idea of a bad round is a 30. Really Guy, Really? His enemy is himself, too much pressure means bad rolling for B Magic, let’s hope he can stay in that magical place of full 40’s.

It all comes down to the number of balls in this matchup. 5 rounds of 9 versus 3 rounds. Why is that so important? Cause I think this is when Bearcat is gonna switch to going for hundos. It’s a pretty risky move to go all hundos in 3 rounds, if you screw up one round, that could be the nail in the coffin. But 5 rounds in the final 2 opens up a whole new can of worms.

 

Want the short version?: Bearcat is gonna bust out the hundos, and if he’s on his game on Saturday, it’s gonna win him the HRT.

 

That ’bout raps it up ya’ll! Are you jumping on board the chuckwagon with my predictions? Or are you ready to tell this Cowboy to catch the next stage coach outta town?

 

Yours Truly,
The No Name Cowboy

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