The pre-skeeson rankings, much like the gif above, are always kind of a crap shoot. Looking at those four folks before the start of the race, you’d have no clue who was going to win. If anything, you’re picking the chick because she’s the only one who looks quasi-athletic. But then blue guy stumbles, knocking her into pink guy, who decides “f*ck it, i’m obviously going down so I’m just gonna tackle this broad in the process” and just like that, Green Guy is the winner.
Picking teams at the beginning of the skeeson is very similar. Except OH WAIT, NO IT’S NOT BECAUSE I NAILED IT LAST TIME, correctly calling the all-chick squad Chiskeeta Banana to take home the hardware.
That being said, the experts have made their final decisions for the pre-skeeson rankings:
1) UskeeLA: The College Years — CT/DMC/Brad
For those of you that don’t know, this exact squad won the Chalice in Skeeson X. And then due to the draft in Skeeson XI, had to split up. But they’re back together and looking to win again. And honestly, I see them doing it. It’s something about Super Saturday that just makes CT magic. And Dawn will be fresh off a Mexican vacation and rested and ready to roll the lights out. And Brad is even better now than he was during that first Chalice run. This team scares me. In a “I’m scared so let’s cuddle and make out” kinda way.
2) C U Next Thursday — Cory/Stat Boy/Scooter
Go ahead and bring on all the “power team” comments. At the end of the day, WCB does not a power team make. And if it comes down to this squad versus UskeeLA in the finals (which I think it will), CT and Stat Boy cancel each other out, Dawn and Scooter cancel each other out, which leaves Brad vs Cory. And Brad wins that match-up 9.5 out of 10 times. And that’s math. And you can’t argue with math.
3) Team name TBD (sweet, bro) — Evan/Leigh Ellen/Thomas
Evan has a Chalice and two HRT titles to his name. Leigh Ellen has a Chalice to her name and can roll the lights out. Which leaves Thomas “The Bank Engine” Shaffer. He’s steadily increased both skeesons so far, but this skeeson the spotlight and pressure are on him. In order for this squad to be a contender he needs to roll 320+ every night, which I know he’s capable of. Choo Choo, all aboard the Full 40 Express!
4) OTskeeHJ’s — Gatskee/Wheeler/Rookie Ben
Is this the special skeeson where Joshua “The Great Gatskee” Ganeles finally gets his Chalice? Short answer: No. However, after hoisting Dave Stone on his back and carrying his team to the championship match last skeeson, Wheeler is not to be slept upon. He’s proven that he can roll when it matters and he and Gatskee paired up is a dynamic duo for sure. But it’s this rookie third that makes me hesitate. Sure, we’ve had some rookies that have shocked everyone and rolled well from time to time….and even taken home the Chalice in the process. But I just don’t see it happening with this squad.
5t) The Scott Woods — Scotty the Body/Dustin/Sisco
This ranking as a 5 seed is questionable. The over/under on number of matches Sisco shows up for is set at 5. So if they pull in some super subs for those weeks, this team could do some damage. Otherwise I see them losing in the first round of the tourney. Truth.
5t) Mike Wazowskees — Mikey G/Matty Light/Meredith
If it was legal for three people to marry each other, I think these three would be the first in line. There’s some major bromance/wifemance going on here, and I’m just hoping it spills over onto the lanes and results in some skeeball domination. Because their uniforms are awesome…they just need the scores to go with that.