Rolling Times recently had an opportunity to sit down with Thomas Shaffer (Skeelected Officials) who has been red hot this skeeson after switching to the banking style of rolling. He’s currently averaging over 300 (after averaging around 260 last skeeson), and rolled his first-ever combo last week!
Rolling Times: Thanks for sitting down with us today, Thomas! I’d like to start of by saying how impressed I am with your numbers this skeeson compared to your debut last skeeson. What’s the reason for the sudden spike in numbers? A lot of off-skeeson practice? More beers before you roll? Better tips from your new captain O’Face? Not being on the same team as that curmudgeon Cory Burell? Do tell!
Thomas: Yeah, I’m pretty shocked how the season has started. Two weeks and over a 30 average. I decided to change my throwing style and went to the bank. It’s been working out for me and pisses Cory off, so I’m staying with it
Rolling Times: Yes, we’ve heard rumors about the rolling switch. As a matter of fact, I heard a few vets refer to you as “Thomas The Bank Engine” last week. What are your thoughts on that new moniker?
Thomas: Nice. It definitely sounds better than “Gatskee.” What a horrible nickname.
Rolling Times: You mentioned your former skeemate Cory earlier and I noticed that he is only leading you by .25 in the individual rankings. Do you two have any sort of wager regarding this skeeson?
Thomas: Well, last season we were both rookskees and so we had a friendly wager on best individual game and best overall average. He ended up winning a slightly shaken case of Bud Light. This year? I don’t know. Pretty sure he’s afraid of the Bank Engine. The pressure of being a captain might be too much.
Rolling Times: What is your ideal pre-skee meal?
Thomas: So far, I’ve had chicken before ever game. Most of the time it’s Bojangles Cajun Filet Biscuit combo. Gotta Wanna Needa Getta Hava Bojangles! Last week I had Chick-fil-A, and tied my game high record. I might need to stop at both this week.
I think I’m just making up for the 7 years I lived without both while in Seattle
Rolling Times: That sounds like a rough life indeed. What is the one thing you miss most about Seattle? And you can’t say the SuperSonics, because we all miss them!
Thomas: I miss the predictable weather. Starting about this time of year through June you could always count on it to be rainy and in the 50s. That said, I hated the weather, but the predictability was nice. That and the Thai food. Yum!
Rolling Times: We’ve heard from a few very reliable sources that you might be employed by a very large computer/software company. If that is indeed the case, how many tabs do you currently have open?
Thomas: I don’t think I can count that high. Right now, it’s 17, but I just rebooted about an hour ago. I think on a good (or bad) day it can get upwards of 40. I got to make Mr. Bill that money!
Rolling Times: Let’s say you have your druthers come Super Roll weekend and you get to pick anyone two rollers to be your skeemates, plus an alternate, who are you going with?
Thomas: Oh wow. That’s pretty tough. I only know the Raleigh folks so that makes it a little easier. I’d consider picking Cory, but he couldn’t make Super Saturday last time so he’s sketchy. I’d consider Gatskee, but he’s so short. I mean, really short. Like SHORT. Bacon to my head, I’d go with Evan and Statboy. Of course, Statboy would be in New Mexico working for some rally race. Alternate would be Shanna b/c she brings the fun!
Rolling Times: She does bring the fun. Speaking of Shanna “O’Face” O’Donnell had she informed you prior to the draft that she was going to pick you up? And did she know about your new banking method and its ensuing success? A few conspiracy theorists around the league seem to believe the two of you were in cahoots during the off-skeeson and she may have been secretly training you. Any truth to that?
Thomas: She did see me practice the bank during Free Skee the week before. The way I recall, I think I was the last person she saw before getting the call she was a last minute captain for the draft. Maybe she just has a short attention span. Or, maybe she knows that I’ll be there every week. I even took a 6am flight from Seattle last week to make it. Thanks Brian for putting us at the 7pm game. I think this is where I mention bacon again.
Rolling Times: Mmmmmm….bacon. We’ve also been informed that you have a toddler roaming around your home these days. Any plans to begin training him as the future first round pick of a SkeeNation city in 2030? Also, have your number of visits to Chuck E. Cheese increased dramatically since you joined the league?
Thomas: Ah, Atticus. My 2 year old. He’s a cool little guy. He always says “Pop have fun skeeball” and he’s right. I do have a lot of fun. Haven’t gotten him to the lanes yet. We did take him to the fair and he popped 2 out of 3 balloons with a dart to win a stuffed monkey. Very proud moment. I can only hope he becomes the first Gold Medal Skeeball Champion at the Olympics.
Rolling Times: Indeed! Speaking of young rollers, any advice for this skeeson’s rookskee class?
Thomas: Sure. Cory is the loud obnoxious one yelling profanities because he can’t find the hundo. Don’t step on Gatskee. Don’t step on Sprout either. Both lanes are the same, there is no Lane 1 curse. Aim for the 40s, always go hundo, and just have fun! Lots of great people in the League. Also be sure to have a game shot with Farrell!
Rolling Times: Alright, great stuff! Well thanks for joining us today and best of luck on the lanes the rest of this skeeson!
Thomas: Thanks. Don’t forget to vote!
