[Editor's note: WonderBoy had a typical WB week in Week 7, going 3-6 with his picks and bringing his total pick record to 19 - 26 after 7 weeks. Can he pick all of this week's matches correctly and finish the skeeson at .500?]
Raleigh: Writing these picks has been real. It’s been fun. It’s been real fun…well, most of the time…
Here’s the current and final situation (Situation!): I’m so far behind in my picks at this point that in order to try to maintain just a LITTLE dignity in this here WB’s World swan song (not to mention protect my twig and berries), I have to go 7 – 0 or 8 – 1 but no worse this week! Are you kidding me?! Are. You. Kidding. Me?! Nope, WonderBoy, you actually DO suck that much at picking Skeeball matches… Well, guess what, Raleigh? I’m not gonna freak out at that little comment there and start yellin’ at the whole league again like last week. Nope. I’m gonna do somethin’ else allllllllll together. I’m gonna totally sap out and go Hallmark on your a$$es!! I don’t suck at pickin’ Skeeball matches. You fools kicked me arse week after week! Almost every time I picked against a team, they showed up and said “Go f*ck yourself WB! Watch this!” …and that’s AWESOME! Well done… Calm that sh*t down when/if you meet Cataskeena in the Playoffs (Playoffs?! PLAYOFFS?!?!), but well done…
…but that’s definitely not all she wrote folks. In honor of Raleigh making me look skeetarded nearly all Skeeson, I’m gonna have to jack with you suckas…ONE…MORE…TIME! Every single one of these picks to follow will be the opposite of what I actually think’s gonna happen. (Or will they? You’ll never, ever know! HA!) Get you some, Raleigh. Enjoy the final installment of Welcome to WonderBoy’s World!! (or at least act like you enjoy it)
Bye – SkeeFA, Dynaskee, Skeechers
Damn that’s a lot of byes! Takin the week off and gettin psyched for the playoffs, eh?! Nice! WonderBoy approves…
6:30
Lane 1 – DJ Pauly Skee vs. Skee Generation X (-510)
Isn’t it convenient that there are only 9 matches this week instead of the standard 10? Isn’t it convenient that my pick record is soooooo bad that I can’t afford to NOT pick a match this week because of that? Isn’t it convenient that I’m finally forced to rely on my acumen (noooo, not “a cumen”….”acumen” ya dirty bastards!) for a GenX match and can’t simply jack with the hundo boys?! Damn, damn, damn… Awww f*ck it! GenX covers. The ONLY reason I’m picking them is cuz if they don’t cover, the entire league should dog the hell outta them on them website until Playoffs start!!! I create opportunities…that’s what I do. (Question is if that’s actually what I think’s gonna happen or am I messin with yous guys already?)
By the way, I super nerded out there putting the word “acumen” in a freakin Skeeball column. This was done for these two reasons and two reasons alone: 1) It made ME laugh out loud when I wrote it. 2) I know for a FACT that O’Face peed herself just a little when she read that…(Hiiiii O’Face!)
7:30
Lane 1 – Easy Skeezy Beautiful Cover Girls (-110) vs. Skeebaggers
Let’s see here. Both The Dozen and Sniper have b*tched at me mucho times for picking against their squad (Cover Girls) really at any point this Skeeson. And except for one instance, they’ve been right and I’ve been wrong. Imagine that? Shocker!!! Last week, Sniper went OFF on the hundo hole and rolled her best game EVER! She managed to will her team to the win all by her hundo-huntin-self. (It was pretty spectacular actually…watch out for her in the HRT if that shiznit keeps up!) Anywho, I don’t think she can manage the same awesome-ness (not a word…I get it…AND I don’t care!) on Lane 1 this week. Even with The Dozen back from a Week 7 hiatus, Cover Girls take the “W” but can’t cover the spread. Get after it Skeebaggers!!!
Ok. Now that I’ve said that, let me reverse my entire pick cuz I was lyin straight to your faces! Cover Girls cover. Lock it in…sorry Skeebaggers. (HA! You fools have no clue which I actually think’s gonna happen!! Me likey…)
[Ed's note: I'm already super confused. And it's only the second pick. Yikes.]
Lane 2 -Closing the Askeevement Gap vs. Show Me The Monskee (-100)
Well, well, well. Lookie what we’ve got here. This could be a fun match to watch if for no reason other than Closing is owed drinks from WonderBoy for beatin the sh*t outta the spread last week. Three Prairie Fire shots please Adam! Thanks!! Enjoy, ladies. Enjoy! HA! None of that meow. Prairie Fires = Projectile vomit = Magic white stuff on the floor of the Bassment. No need for that… Back to the task at hand. Closing rocked their best week ever in Week 7. Solid rollin there peeps. But unfortunately, the fairytale fizzles and the three lovelies can’t keep pace. Monskee puts together a worthy Skeeson IV finale and covers the spread.
Actually, no they don’t! Closing covers. Deal with it…
8:30
Lane 1 – Kelly Kapowskees (-45) vs. SpiderMonkskees
I can’t think of anything clever to say here. Where’s the story? I don’t see it… I’m giving this match a big ol’ yaaawwwwwn! Kapowskees cover cuz I would have picked SpiderMonkskees if I weren’t playin this mind f*ck game with all of ya.
Lane 2 -The Skeetuation vs. Cataskeena Wine Mixer (-80)
Classic game within a game situation sports fans. The Skeetuation managed to make it through the entire Skeeson undefeated, to this point. Yes. You heard me right. Skeetuation = 7-0. So there’s that. Is there really a story here though??? Not really. If Skeetuation wants to finish undefeated, they’ve got one helluva task in front of them. They’ve rolled higher than Cataskeena only once this Skeeson and it was +3-points vs. Cataskeena’s WORST score! Not too promising for the pursuit of perfection. I guess ya never know though, right? Ummm, wrong. This guy knows… There’s no chance Skeetuation beats Cataskeena! No chance! Now the spread’s a different story all together, though. I would have picked Skeetuation to cover based on some crap no one really cares to read…Sooo I’m reversing that sh*t and picking my squad to cover. (I like this game. This is fun for me…)
Just because Skeetuation has the chance to finish undefeated, this gets the “Get Your Popcorn Ready” match tag of Week 8. It could be close for a while (read: I doubt it), and hell, Skeetuation could pull it off (read: fat chance), but they’re gonna have to earn it!
9:30
Lane 1 – Big Lebowskees (-20) vs. Nice Shoes, Wanna Skee?
This here’s an interesting one my pretties. I’ve picked for and against The Dude and have both lost and won. Result: Big question mark. Nice Shoes hasn’t had the same squad roll back-to-back weeks the entire Skeeson! (I think) Result: Another big question mark. How do you properly pick this match considering the damn question marks? You don’t. You guess your a$$ off! I’m goin back to somethin I did early on this Skeeson and plagiarizing Mr. Burgundy. I’m flippin a damn coin. Heads: Lebowskee covers. Tails: Nice Shoes covers. And drum roll please… TAILS IT IS! Nice Shoes covers… (Here’s the question though: Did I actually flip a coin? And did it come up tails? Or am I writing whatever the hell I want? You’re never gonna know, Raleigh…the mind f*ck continues.)
Lane 2 -H.I.Skee Positive (-150) vs. Skee FF’s
Oh Lane 2. How do I heart thee?! I wonder if Ashely (SkeeFF’s) and her hundo-huntin hand feel the same compassion towards you as I do? Hmmm, I think not. I think her heart lies with Lane 1. Oh well. At least she’s faithful. H.I.Skee + covers. (Is this what I really would have picked or am I still jackin with you fools?!)
This match here gets the final WonderBoy “STAMP” of Skeeson IV. If the lovelies of SkeeFF cover the spread vs. the AIDS boys, WB’s gotta pony up and buy shots or a bucket of beer for the girls…Once again, a win-win for me. Darn…
10:30
Lane 1 – 867-5skee09 (-200) vs. Skee Huggers
Can I go with a “Hell if I know” and move on? No? I can’t? F*CK! Oh yeah, that’s right…I HAVE to pick every match just for the itty bitty little chance at getting back to .500 for my pick record. Damn! Alrighty, let’s see what we’ve got here: 867- is a rather dysfunctional team, but they murder the 40 hole. Skee Huggers gel like a squad should, but sometimes struggle with puttin points up. Ugh. I’ve got no freakin clue. (Anyone have one of those magic 8-balls?!) I guess at some point I have to stop filibustering (my favorite word in the English language) and pick this bad boy, right? Fine! Even though that’s a gimongous spread, 867- manages to cover, but barely. (Is this really what I think or is the mind f*ck still in full effect? Who knows cuz at this point I’ve started to completely confuse myself!)
Lane 2 -Skeet Er Done vs. Sweet Baby Skeesus (-45)
This is the ONLY match I’m gonna pick what I actually think is gonna happen. Sweet Baby Skeesus covers, even though I’ve got no clue who’s gonna show up. I’m gamblin that the insider info I know about Skeet Er Done in Week 8 pays off in a WB final match victory!! But to be honest, by this point I may have lost about every match anyway so who gives a sh*t! Better to go down in flames…
And for the final time… (*tear)
Do Work Raleigh,
WonderBoy
