Welcome to WB’s World — Playoff Picks

by Farrell on April 8, 2010

[Editor's note:  Just wanted to say that while he is f*cking miserable at picking matches against the spread, it's been fun reading WB's picks each week.  Thanks for all the insight, and thank the good Lord himself I didn't bet any actual money using your "advice".   Giddyup!!]

 

Back by popular demand, mofos (read: Farrell made me do it), it’s Welcome to WonderBoy’s World PLAYOFFS-STYLE BABAY!!  Ohhhhh boy…here we go!!  Starting tonight, the best few days of your skeeball-laden lives comin atcha, Raleigh!  No need for me to pump you fools up cuz Farrell’s already been doin that all week, but let me just say this:  Hearts will be broken…Dreams will be made…It’s Raleigh’s Skeeson IV Playoffs, where everyone gets _______! (*cough, cough…damn I’m inappropriate/awesome!).
 
…and we’re walking…
 
…Even though I sh*t the proverbial bed during the regular Skeeson, I’m actually really, REALLY lookin forward to these Playoffs picks.  Why, you ask?  CUZ THERE’S NO DAMN SPREAD!!  F*ck you Vegas!  You won the regular Skeeson.  But I’m back, and I’m winnin the playoffs.  All I gotsta do is pick the outright winner of each match, right?!  What’s so hard about that?  (Yea, keep telling yourself that WB…)  Well, we shall skee, Raleigh.  We shall skee… And for the final time fo’ reals my fellow rollers, behold, this is how WonderBoy sees it!  Enjoy!!!  (Or don’t. Your call…)

 
ROUND 1 (Ding!)

 
6:00
#4 Cover Girls vs. #13 Skeet Er Done
What’s this I hear about the Cover Girls signing a super-secret sub in the playoffs?  Can’t those chicks keep a damn team together?!  WTF?!  First, Lu bails for Colorado…then Leslie’s sister Elizabeth bails to chase her dream of hitchhiking across America…then Leslie herself bails to start a career in hand modeling…Good lord!  Are these signs of a dysfunctional skee-family or what?!  Do Sniper and The Dozen drive their skeemates away through onslaughts of tough love or is there something else afoot here?  Ehhhhhh, doesn’t really matter… Sorry Skeet Er Done.  Cover Girls win easily!  But how far can they go sans team chemistry…?  WB ponders this.

#8 Kelly Kapowskees vs. #9 SkeeFA
Wait a damn minute!  You mean to tell me that after 8 weeks of Skeeball, 80 frames played, and 4320 Skeeballs rolled that these two teams finished within 100 points of each other and now have to rumble in the Playoffs?!?!  Holy hell!  This should make for one helluva match up!  SkeeFA has shown the potential roll in the high 800s.  The Kapowskees have not.  The Kapowskees have never rolled sub-800.  SkeeFA has.  I don’t recall if these squads went toe-to-toe during the regular Skeeson or not, but let’s be honest here, I don’t really care!!  Some folks just plain show up in the post-Skeeson regardless of what’s happened previously.  Hey Scotty the Body: Sorry homie.  You’ve carried your squad as far as they’re gonna go.  SkeeFA takes down Kelly Kapowskee in a match that comes down to the final rollers in the 10th frame.  Put on your big-girl panties, boys, and get your heads right cuz this one’s gonna be a good one!

7:00
#2 Dynaskee vs. #15 Big Lebowskees

Jay Z vs. Jeff Bridges…Need I say more?  Bridges brings a knife to a gunfight and Jigga Man busts a cap in ‘dat a$$!  Translation: Dynaskee wins, handily.  CT’s new found hundo form, DK’s relentless attack of the 40 Hole, and O’Face’s uncanny ability to hover around the 300 mark every freakin week prove to much for The Dude.  I think I’d rather drink a White Russian than Cristal, but drink choice doesn’t matter here.  Sorry The Dude, The Skeeson I Champs are too much to handle.

#3 Cataskeena Wine Mixer vs. #14 Skeebaggers
It’s time to put up or shut up!  And by now, I’m certain the whole league knows I rarely shut up.  Scooter (Skeebaggers) has shown vast improvement over the final weeks of the Skeeson, but can he carry the burden himself?!  Tough to say…this squad rarely shows up with the same three rollers.  Some might say it depends on who steps to the lane for Skeebaggers.  But not I!!  Here’s where I fail to shut up: “It’s the F***ing Catakseena Wine Mixer!”  We don’t care who shows up!  Cataskeena takes its first victim.  Next please!
 
PS. I love how I put my skeemates on the line just to get myself fired up…Sorry ’bout it Symbol and Mary.  We gots business to take care of tonight!  Holla!

8:00
#1 Skee Generation X vs. #16 Show Me The Monskee

Umm, really?!  Do I have to?  Well, I can’t skip matches anymore, which is the only thing I don’t like about picking the Playoffs, soooooo GenX wins.  And that’s all I’m sayin bout that.
 
Side note: Hey Monskee!  Welcome to the Playoffs!  Glad you’re here.  Have some fun with this match, cuz ya never know.

#6 867-5skee09 vs. #11 Sweet Baby Skeesus
This match up is peculiar to me.  Most of the time, you can go chalk and be right through the first round matches.  That would lead me to picking 867- without even thinkin about it.  Here’s where I’m tripped up though.  867- has been extremely Hot N Cold this Skeeson and have failed to mesh as a team at times.  I also wonder if AT’s head will be in it since he can’t make Super Saturday.  Hmmmm… I really don’t know here.  Awww screw it!  I’m goin with the boys of 867- to win just cuz.  I would NOT be surprised, however, if this match is A LOT closer than the stats say it should be.  Welcome to the second round fellas!

9:00
#5 H.I.Skee Positive vs. #12 SpiderMonkskees
Gimme an “A”.  “A!”  Gimme an “I”.  “I!”  Gimme a “D”.  “D!”  Gimme an “S”.  “S!” …and what does that spell?!  (Ummm, really WB?  You went there?  Geezus!  Didn’t your mom ever teach you manners growin up?)  Sorry SpiderMonkskees, the #5 – #12 upset only happens in March Madness.  H.I.Skee Positive is on a roll (pun completely intended!) and they keep it goin in Round 1.  H.I.Skee takes the “W”.
 
Hey Kristin (SpiderMonkskees), I expect some awesome-ness from ya in the HRT.  Get it girl!!

[Ed's note:  Rumors are floating into SkeeNation HQ that the SpiderMonkskees are a no-show tonight.....]

#7 DJ Pauly Skee vs. #10 Skeetuation
Evan (DJ Pauly Skee) explained to me last week that I’ve yet to pick them in any match and always fail to say anything about his squad in WB’s World.  While normally, I would roast the ever-loving sh*t out of him and then promptly wreck his team for his b*tchin and moanin, ummm, yea, he was right.  (As much as I hate admitting that)  Luckily for me, DJ Pauly has been killin it recently!!  They’ve definitely found their form late in the Skeeson, highlighted by their highest team score EVER last week.  Methinks this match is close for the first 4 or 5 frames but the consistency DJ Pauly has been riding of late begins to wear at The Skeetuation.  DJ Pauly starts to pull away and never looks back.  There Evan.  You happy now?!
 
Side note:  Yes, I noticed this match up is Jersey Shore vs. Jersey Shore.  Too easy…wasn’t gonna go there.  Sorry if I let ya down with that, Raleigh, but I can only handle so much GTL!!

 [Ed's note:  Probably going to be the most exciting match to watch tonight.  With Evan and Mark rolling as well as they have been, and Erica finally quasi-finding her 40, I like this team to pull away early and snookie-punch the Skeetuation.  That being said, I learned the hard way to never sleep on Wes in the playoffs.  PS  No love for the Jersey Shore matchup, WB???? You're slipping, bro.]


ROUND 2 (Ding!)

10:00
#1 Skee Generation X vs. #9 SkeeFA

GenX wins. (*yawwwwwwwwwwwwn)

#5 H.I.Skee Positive vs. #4 Cover Girls

Boy oh boy is this a sexy match up!!  These two squads are even more closely matched than Kapowskees and SkeeFA were in Round 1.  I’m most definitely pullin up a chair (read: standing awkwardly in someone’s way) to watch this entire match (read: small sections of this match in between funneling Miller Lites down my throat) just to see who steps up their game.  Cover Girls have the fire power but can they bring it?  Sniper’s gone freakin nutz (yeah, that’s with a “z”) the last two weeks, but can she keep it up?  The Dozen (Cover Girls) is gonna do what the Dozen does, roll copious amounts of 40s.  Question is: How’s their super-secret sub gonna hold up?  Babuskee (H.I.Skee +) has found his Skeeson I form.  His skeemates have both followed suit and find themselves in the HRT (Nice rollin J Web and Scoop)  But none of that matters.  Here comes the stat of the century, or, well, the stat of the day: In the last 5 weeks of Skeeson IV, Cover Girls rolled higher than H.I.Skee only once!  Only once!!!  That trend is too much for me to pass up.  Welcome to the Final Four fellas.  H.I.Skee moves on!! 
 
11:00
#2 Dynaskee vs. #7 DJ Pauly Skee
This one could get messy.  If DJ Pauly Skee doesn’t get off to a fast start, they could find themselves down A LOT real fast!!  Dynaksee’s not gonna roll under 975…I just don’t see it.  And I don’t see how DJ Pauly Skee can keep pace.  But wait a damn minute!!  Evan just got a Skeeball machine in his garage!  That’s gotta count for somethin, doesn’t it!  Nope.  Not at all.  Sorry.  Dynaskee moves on in a near walk-over.

[Ed's note:  Someone sound the "upset alert" siren.  I'm not gonna come right out and say it, but I think we know what I'm saying here.  I'm not sleeping on DJ Pauly Skee.....and neither should you.  Unless you're invited.]

#3 Cataskeena Wine Mixer vs. #6 867-5skee09
Hello Super Saturday.  How are ya?  We’re The Cataskeena Wine Mixer.  We’ll skee ya in a couple days, cuz we ain’t done yet!  ‘Nuff said!

[Ed's note:  Ha, of course WB would pick his own squad without even breaking it down.  Well I have two things to say:  1) Not so fast!  2)  Sound that upset alert siren again!!!!]


 
Say hello to your Final Four Raleigh:
#1 Skee Generation X vs. #5 H.I.Skee Positive
#2 Dynaskee vs. #3 Cataskeena Wine Mixer
 
Do Work Raleigh,
WonderBoy

  • Mark
    well done with the picks with the exception of HISkee...and Dynaskee did roll under 975 against us, we just maxed out in game one and didn't carry it over to game 2. Good luck on Saturday, I'm rooting for anyone to upset Skee Gen X! :)
  • El Duke
    If I lose 3 straight finals I will go into hiding like Thurman Thomas.
  • Mr. Burgundy
    No need to go into hiding now.
  • WonderBoy
    So quiet out there...kinda creepy. No verbal sparring. No trash talking. No nuthin'. Huh? Where'd everyone go?
  • El Duke
    DJ Pauly Skee is going to take down Dynaskee...
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